Bodacious Girl

Its ME time BABY! Now take these shackles off me G.

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 10:03:02 -0800

So I am back at my desk now, tho my fingers and ground down to the bones - team bossy email update - because I am SICK that way - 1597. Yeaaaa. And um, you know that outstanding bill from the liquor store - HUGE. Again - still accepting donations.

At any rate - team bossy removed me from a few of my usual daily things, like posting here, drawing, sleeping, showering, eating, etc. I wanted to take a little time for me. This is how I plan on doing that:

Ice cold frosted mug straight from the freezer. Ah!

Key limes. Freshly picked from my tree. Mmm.

Beer. Cold cold beer. Fresh from my fridge. Ooh yea.

You get the picture. Now go enter the football pool and leave me and my beer in peace.

P.S. Email count 1631.

Don't Ask - Don't Tell

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 08:50:05 -0800

When my brother was in town recently, he had the opportunity to meet little man Zo. And Zo, well he took an immediate liking to him. My bro could barely plop his butt on the couch when Enzo jumped up and starting licking his face like it was made of bacon. Remember 18 years ago when I told you to wash those spaghetti-oh's off your face and you ignored me? Remember?

Well maybe you should have listened.

Just released from the Bossy Dungeon of HORROR!

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 08:01:20 -0800

Miss me? Heck - I missed me. I missed week 5 of the football pool. I missed Illustration Friday for a good few Friday’s. I missed most of August and September for that matter. Me and my girlz (ELLE and Georgia) have been frantically plugging away on the brand spankin’ new (and I stress spankin’) iambossy.com look. It was lots of ~~torturous labor~~ fun and tons of ~~uncalled for verbal abuse~~ entertaining banter and we are all so very proud of it. But just an FYI. I kept every email during this time in a specially bossy marked folder. Every stinking one. Today for fun I marked every email as not read so I could see the folder count.

1430 emails between the three of us.

Fourteen. Hundred. Thirty. Emails.

Team bossy needs a vacation. Feel free to send donations. Alms for the poor. Or just a pillow. A big soft fluffy always cold pillow. I’s need a nap.

p.s. Hell did NOT freeze over. As a matter of fact - beez went and stoked up the heat. As a special little ditty - stoked it here in AZ too - gonna be 98 today. O.k. Serious. I am done with that noise.

Hell just might freeze over.

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:57:11 -0800

For those of you that may not know. I am a Chicago Girl. I don’t live in Chicago anymore, but Chicago will always live in me. So on that note - a little something I would like to share.

First, do you know that this marks the first time the Cubs and the White Sox have made it to the playoffs Simultaneously in 102 years?! So you know what that means…

A Chicago girl dies and goes to hell.

When she gets there, the devil comes over to welcome her. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.”

The girl says, “No problem. I’m from Chicago.”

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes back to the Chicago girl to see how she’s doing. To the devil’s surprise, the girl is doing just fine.

“No problem…just like Chicago in June,” the girl says.

So the devil goes back over to the thermostat, and turns the temperature up to 150, and the humidity up to 90. He then goes back over to see how the Chicago girl is doing. The girl is sweating a little, but overall looks comfortable.

“No problem. Just like Chicago in July,” the girl says.

So now the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 200, and the humidity up to 100. When he goes back to see how the girl is doing, the girl is sweating profusely, and has rolled up her jeans. Otherwise, she seems OK.

She says, “No problem. Just like Chicago in August.”

Now the devil is really perplexed. So he goes back to the thermostat, and turns the temperature down to MINUS 150 DEGREES. Immediately, all the humidity in the air freezes up, and the whole place (Hell) becomes a frigid, barren, frozen, deathly cold wasteland.

When he goes back now to see how the Chicago girl is doing, he is shocked to discover the girl is jumping up and down, and cheering in obvious delight. The devil immediately asks the girl what’s going on. To which the Chicago girl replies…..

THE CUBS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!!

Enzo FABULOUS!

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 13:35:26 -0800

Guess WHO was picked out of over 2500 submissions to be one of POGO's SpotLight Pet's in the Hall of Fame?! Yours truly, da man himself... ZO! Out of all the unbelievably cute photos we sent in - it was THIS priceless photo that clinched it for him.

Just who is that raspberry directed at? In today's world - you be the judge.

Laundry day is still just nap day, with a capital "N"

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 13:27:46 -0800

Fresh from the dryer smell! I can't get even one third of the way through folding warm dryer fresh clothes before you-know-who swoops in for a nap.

That's right. HE is the smart one.

And the winner is...

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 16:05:55 -0800

DMR512 with a total of EIGHT correct picks! And can I just say I will not let it go unnoticed that you bet AGAINST the Cardinals. At least you picked the Bears. It is nice to see SOMEONE is paying attention! Looking at you jjj7694!

We interrupt this post for an opinionated point of view: Can I just say that hit on Q (AZ @ the Jets) OUUUUCH! And yeaaaa take that $50,000 fine with one games suspension Eric Smith! Trust me, his head hurt much more then your wallet ever can. Thank you.

Also you may notice the LACK of a Illustration Friday entry.

I'd like to say tomorrow it will be here but I may have to take a break because I will be awfully busy playing with him.

Him's my nephew. And him's YUMMMMY! And him's reminds me of me when I was that age. So yea he is smart as a whip! Though him's juice box dexterity kinda freaked out him's uncle. Just a tad. A weeeee bit.

Text Message Smack Down

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 07:32:17 -0800

Last night during the Chicago Bears v Philadelphia Eagles ~~blow-out~~ game, one of my girlfriends and I had quite an exchange. A linguistic fencing match. A glottological skirmish, if you will. Text-message showdown. (Where text message actual equals email, but I was on my BlackBerry. So whateva y'all...)

Me: (At 13:11 left in the first quarter) TOUCHDOWN BEARS... I'm just sayin'

G: Whaaaaaaaaatevvvvvvvvvvvver.

G: (At 8:56 left in the first quarter) How you like me now, honkey?

Me: Dayum Biotchhh! Gunna get up in yer cornflakes nowwwwwww...

G: Grape Nuts, actually.

Me: Mmm yummy. I enjoy those in my yogurt.

G: Yeah, but in a bowl of milk, they blow up like absorbant diapers, which comne to think of it, says nothing about what they do in the small intestine... didja eat yet?

Me: Whippin' up some refried beannnnnsssss as I type. :)

Me: (14:04 second quarter) TOUCHDOWN!!! Off of a turn over. Ouchhhh....

G: Nice pass. Two feet in bounds. uh-huh. uh-huh.

Me: (At 1:21 left in the third quarter) Pulease. Stuffed on 3rd and 1. Shanked Akers field goal. TOUCHDOWN BEARS. Priceless.

G: Yah yah yah - I heard the ping of my email and ignored you.

Me: But while we are still on the subject of football... I N T E R C E P T I O N!

G: ok I am (eagles be damned) off to bed.

Me: Nighty night. You can get me Eagles meltdown recap tomorrow.

Just when we were gettin' all up in each others faces! I didn't even have the time to tell her my grandmother (rest her soul) could beat the Eagles. It's Nana v Eagles!

That the bitch of having across the continent friendships. Just when I am getting all fired up, someone runs off to bed. Waa! Wait till Thanksgiving - when we have the battle of the birds! Oh yeaaa... more verbal thrashings my friendo.

Oh in case you missed it:

BEARS WIN! BEARS WIN! BEARS WIN! 24-20!

Week 4 Football Pool is OPEN! And check out those PRIZES!

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 10:33:44 -0800

So Week Four is open! Get those picks in by Sunday September 28th at 9:55 am Pac Time. This weeks prize is - well - wow!

It will amaze you!

Thrill you!

Excite you!!

Make you use extra exclamation points!!!

Whaaa? Sushi? But THIS is no ordinary sushi. NO! It sure is not. This sushi is crazy sushi! I fell in L O V E with them the moment I saw them. And the winner will receive not one. Not two. But all THREE pieces of sushi!

Yes you in the back? You have a question?

"If you bought the sushi already, and lets say I win, and you don't know I am the winner till Tuesday, and you have to notify me, and then I send my address, and then you ship them. Won't I DIE if I eat it?"

Good question. Thank you for asking. But remember! This is no ordinary sushi. See for yourself.

You don't eat this sushi... you use it to irritate your 4.5# chihuahua. So Hurry UP! And Enter today!

I did WHAAAAA on my Birthday?

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 13:22:47 -0800

It's rare I take a day off from work. I have incredible flexibility working from home. I would rather work a bit every day and take a long lunch or catch a movie one afternoon then take off a whole day. It took 10 long years of discipline to establish this damnit. At first I was all oh yea sleep in... watch some tv... take a walk... go get some lunch... watch more tv... WHAT DO YOU MEAN it's time for bed?!? Anyway, I take off on my birthday, every year.

The week leading up to my birthday was one full of joy of joys - yard work. We decided to change out our stone around the pool. Take out that stone. Put in new stone. And then all the trimming planting pruning moving watering blowing mowing cleaning wacking clearing. Thursday came and we weren't close to done. I, in some complete lapse of reason and mental fortitude said "lets just do it on my birthday! I can help move the new stone in and plant a garden! Oh and bury the irrigation system!" And yes, I said it with all that jollyness. All that glee. DID SOMEONE SLIP ME A MICKEY?!?!

I was up at dawn. Rented a wheelbarrow. Bought flats of flowers. Palm Food. Mulch. Bagels. Raring to go. ALL SET I TELL YOU! Then... while walking through the local grocery store, my phone rang. "Hello?"

"Don't rent a wheel barrow. I called the landscaper and he is going to bring over two guys to move the EIGHT TONS OF STONE from the front yard FIFTY YARDS to the back yard."

I hung up. Shrugged and returned the wheel barrow. At Home Depot the rental guy shook me to my core of existence.

"Back already?"

"Yea, the hubby hired someone to move all the stone."

"Wait. YOU were going to move stone?"

"Yes, fill the wheel barrow up push it into the yard dump it do it again."

"How much stone?"

"8 tons"

"Do you know what 8 TONS LOOKS LIKE?"

Then it dawned on me. That call. The call at the grocery store - the one while I was buying milk. It was a call from the Governor. And he saved my husbands life. Because homicide would have been on the birthday schedule if I had to do what I watched those two guys do for 2 hours in 101 degrees. INSTEAD, I sat out in 101 degress for 4 hours and did this:

Enzo gave me that gargoyle for my birthday - ain't he schweet?

Illustration Friday

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 13:00:38 -0800

The current theme over at Illustration Friday is "clique."

It being almost October... here is my take. Yea, it's a little messy, so busy I had like 10 minutes to give. And as you can see, POSTED LATE!

How many of you were that butternut squash?

Happy Birthday Baby Bro.

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 10:55:11 -0800

31 years ago today you came into my life. Mom and dad still say it was all my idea for them to have another child. I WANTED a baby brother. I didn't buy it then and I DON'T BUY IT NOW! But I guess having you around wasn't so bad. I had someone I could boss around. Pick on. Make do my chores. Blame. Scar for life. And then eventually, bum pot from.

Lets face it. We have a 7 year difference. (Almost to the DAY now don't tell me mom and dad that you guys didn't celebrate Christmas the same way EVERY YEAR! Well at least THOSE 2 years. I can DO the MATH!) Those 7 years made it a little hard for you to understand that NO I don't WANT to play Transformers-More-Than-Meets-The-Eye with you. I do not want to play the newest game from Milton-Bradley. I am talking on the PHONE with my friends who I haven't seen in - OH THE TORTURE - 10 minutes. NOW. GO. AWAY.

But now, as adults. We understand each other more. We get it. We survived. We are good friends. And I love you. As long as you continue to do exactly what I say - we'll always be this close.

Happy Birthday Bro.

Arrr Matey! It be me birthday!

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 12:25:56 -0800

So I won't be doin' any of that postin' I so promised. I be hittin' the rum to hard and me eyes are crossing! I can barely see me keyboard. And the ghost of ole' Captain Gray Beard the Husband himself is here saying - "Get off the damn computer and lets get going were going to be late for dinner! And quit looking at me and saying arrr!" I can barely understand the ole bloke.

Anyway. so off I be mates. Going to plunder me some fresh fish and the strongest of ales I am. Won't likely be till Monday when I show me face again.

Have yerself a mightly fine weekend!

PS Iffin' you did not be knowin', me day of birth is also Talk Like A Pirate Day! Arrrrrr!

More then a little busy...

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 15:15:29 -0800

Hey look! Enzo turned 5! TWO FREAKING MONTHS AGO! Miss me?

Naaa you forgot all about me. I'm sorry, but for some reason, this summer got realllllly busy. Usually my summers are slow and full of a lot of lolly-gagging and dragging of feet and napping in the sun. Not summer of 2008! First things first tho... I am back! And ooooh look - everything looks a little different doesn't it! First we now have the Most Bodacious NFL Football Pool EVER complete with PRIZES!

See it? Right over there ----------->

Looks like this:

And I mean some nifty prizes. I do! If you want to find out what THIS weeks prize is you have to play... Yes I know it is already week three - but this is a week to week pool. New prizes every week! Super duper crazy -ass prizes! Woot! CARDINALS ARE 2-0!!! Huh wha..??

Another thing I would like to point out is the Daily Zo link.

Every stinking day I will post another sickeningly cute photo of my little boy Enzo doing some nauseatingly adorable things.You will click that button. And you will look. And you WILL ENJOY IT!

I am also contributing to the site Illustration Friday. Every Friday a new topic is posted on the site for illustrators to draw their take on it. My illustration will be posted on Mondays. As always Feedback is greatly appreciated.

Anyway poke around and check everything out. Tomorrow my first official post after my unknowing and unavoidble break from my Bodacious Blog took place. And what do you know it's my birthday! I'm turning 38 29! and I couldn't be more... well... yeah...

So see you tomorrow. I promise.

Man Alive - Enzo's FIVE!

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 13:49:59 -0800

Enzo. Today you turn 5 years old. In people years that is... 5 multiplied by the co-sign of the square root of pi divided by 13 minus the angle of the sun to the earth, carry the 2... well let's just say old enough to know that a nice cold cocktail after a long day is JUST what you need.

Anyway five years ago today, my little friend, you were born. You arrived late, last and wondering what the fuss was all about. THAT was when fate intervened and said - what a perfect match for Heather! I didn't meet you till September 12, but you were destined to be my best friend.

Truth be told when we brought you home we were worried. You didn't do much, just kind of laid there and slept. And your ears. Holy mole' your EARS! When you did finally start investigating your surroundings, you would get behind and between everything we owned. We used cans of tomato paste to keep you out of the smallest of crevices. When friends and family would visit and see our surplus of Italian goods scattered about I would just whisper - Pizza Voodoo. Don't move a can or you will invoke Chef Boyardee!!

But you grew fast. And you finally did more then sleep. (But sure you still got your share of that too.) You grew to a whole 9.5" tall - with your ears 3' 4". And we learned a few things about you. Like you are a KILLER watch dog.

You love to share.

You absolutely loooooooove to swim.

We met your girlfriend and she is a flashy dresser.

You find all the best seats in the house.

You wait patiently to play with papa.

You snuggle close and sleep with momma.

And when neither of us is available, a teddy bear is your best friend.

At times you are quite frankly a pain in my patootie, but I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world. Especially when you look up at me with those big brown eyes (just like mommas!) and I know you love me unconditionally always.

So my best friend, Happy Birthday! I love you. May all your walks be in the cool morning air, all your belly rubs be long ones, all the sun spots shine exactly where your napping and the vacuum and canned air stay tucked safely in the back of the closet. Your the best son any momma could ever want.